As it is now....

Just had a conversation with a lady who works around me. We got into discussing attitudes. In between our conversation I stated that my general attitude towards people is "Tit for Tat". My behaviour with a particular person hugely depends on how that person behaves wit me. In a very composed and casual way she responded that initially she would also think likewise but it's her father (philosophical one) who has got her down into thinking that if you behave or act like the other person than what's the difference between you and him/her.

This line really got me into thinking in my own rebel way. I have always thought of myself very differently. I have no shame/inhibition in admitting that I like to stand-out from the crowd. I have always thought of myself being someone special. I do not care about how special do others think about me but I hold myself quite high when it comes to feeling that extra special. I guess I am going to mull over this topic and get something substantial out of it. Because yes I do want to be differentiated. I am not like others.

Learn

Its been quite sometime since I have penned down my thoughts. As usual I am busy experiencing life at its best and at its worst. Where am I now? At 31 years of age? Married and mother of one? Well.....it's not that bad after all. I am leading a normal life the way people expect a normal person or a woman to lead. I have my good days and bad days but hey who cares as long as you are in the queue and not questioning it. Right now I am at my best behaviour. No more rebel no less conformist. Just the way the society or the people around me wants me to be.

Why am I doing it? To learn. To get to know the advantage of being a "typical" person. Its fun, it works and i am sure it will work in the long run. But what about those questions in my mind? What about those answers i am seeking? And what about those unsaid words? Those incomplete explanations? I say to myself don't worry girl.....you have your life to explore all this. Take it one at a time. You will...no...you can get whatever you want out of this life whenever you want. Just remember one thing. It's only a matter of time!

Buzzzzzzzzzed!!!!!!!!!!

Monotony of life is something which I want to avoid
Yet why do I get upset when my flow is ruffled
Why do I cringe when it does happen as expected
Why do I frown when my actions are returned back to me

Then I say to myself its all part of the game
Remember, what you have done will always come back to you
There's no denying to it
AND then my girl you have learnt the life's richest lesson..............

The Pursuit of Happyness

Saw the movie the other night. It is an American biographical film directed by Gabriele Muccino about the on-and-off-homeless salesman-turned-stockbroker Chris Gardner. I don't know how I controlled my tears till the end but after just one look at my daughter sleeping soundlessly I couldn't stop them. What a movie!!!! I will say not. Of course, full marks to Will Smith for his act. Without his brilliant performance you may not know how to respond to this man's moving story. But for me the real hero is Chris Gardner. There are lot of lessons which I can take from this resilient hero who fought his way through, believed in himself, persisted throughout the hard times, not letting any obstacle come in his way (even upto the extent of being homeless for a year!!!)to acheive his goal, dealing with them on his own, in his kind of way, willing to live on next to nothing while he learned a new trade and above all being a single parent and refusing to give up his duties to his two year old son all this while.... Hats off to you Mr. Chris Gardner!!! When I watching Will Smith darting off from home to work, to selling those scanners to attending his son and all I thought how much stamina and perseverence this man ought to have. My heart broke when he had to spend a night with his son in a restroom of a metro station. But next day he is again back on his two feet ready to take the world on. I have surely learned a lesson over here. If you ever get into a situation which you cannot help or do not like, work towards getting out of it and not just whinning and complaining about it. Even baby-steps are important. They contribute alot in your development.

Taking after my own father,I am all into this idea of "creating your own life" and after watching this movie my belief is more stronger than ever. For me it's 99% hardwork and 1% luck. And I hope my daughter also gets this thing right. Of course one's future also depends on what choices we make in our life whcih I think is more crucial than anything else. In short The Pursuit of Happyness is an inspirational, coming-of-age memoir that bears the message that a hunger for learning, hard work, and never giving up on the people who make you truly "wealthy," can break destructive cycles and propel anyone to unlimited heights - no matter who they are, where they come from, or what their circumstances may be.

OF THE DAYS GONE BY...........

I wish to go back in time
When I leaned on your shoulder
Smelling your perfume
Your eyes beaconed the darkness of heaven

When you welcomed me with your warm smile
Made me feel above everything else
You always wondered how time flies by
When you thought I was making wrong choices in my life

You made me what I am today
Gave me what I could give away
Stood by me in my ups and down
Will you always have me as a part of your life??

Oh! give me back my those days gone by
I would trade my soul in return
But when I look at you my little angel
I let go my desire to be with you....................................

You Aren't Here........

Everything is in its place here

The grass is laid around me like a green carpet

The moon comes close to kiss me

The air is crisp..... mist enveloping me

Why aren't you here to wake me with your spirit and laughter?

Solitude used to be my companion

Why has it become a paradigm for me now?

Chilly winters would cheer me up with you

It seems to subdue me down here

Why aren't you here to drown me in your infinity and aura?

The streets and roads are the same

But no one is there to walk around them

Roses and daisies are flourishing everywhere

But no one is there to smile at them

Why aren't you here to soak me in your colours and vibrancy??

Long Time No See No Hear......

Its been awhile...hell knows... been quite tied up. Doing what?? Well sitting here in this unknown country, playing the role of perfect mother and wife, watching time fly by my window....... wondering what am I doing here?? Days are short...... Darkness prevails; gets me cold feet.
Caught up between indecisiveness and melancholy my heart yearns for more; I know not what. But this I guess is my human nature. Sometimes I feel I land up myself in a fools paradise. So what?? I say to myself.. everybody is not equiped with a safe pair of hands and besides that I do not want to be one. I cannot forecast to you my actions. It is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma; but perhaps there is a key. That key is "state of mind". Getting over it has been my strong virtue and pessimism my worst enemy. What the f..k, I am here, living an American life!!! Nothing but the best for me!! There you go again....... you know where???? Well girl, paddle your own canoe, you have made it till here or till now. The road ahead is worth discovering.
You will eat, bye and bye,
In that glorious land above the sky;
Work and pray, live on hay,
You'll get pie in the sky when you die.